Blissfully Informed Hippie Chick

Encouraging people to think critically about everything.

Perspective is Everything

on May 17, 2015

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What do you see here? A mess? A tripping hazard? Housework? Frustration? I see my toddler’s newfound love of coloring. Her desire to test every color of crayon. I see her running over to me with a twinkle in her eyes, asking me in her own way to please come color with her. I see her delight as I draw shapes, animals, stick figures, and houses; making me feel like my drawings aren’t as terrible as I think they are. I see my older children huddled around the paper with my toddler, interacting so kindly and patiently with her.

Is it a mess? Sure, and I already cleaned it up. But rather than getting angry and thinking “oh my god, I seriously have to play 100 crayon pick-up again?!?”, I chose to think “I’m so grateful that my daughter loves to color!” Happiness is a choice; anger is a choice.

Yesterday, I chose anger. Yesterday, I felt like a mess. It seemed like everything was going wrong, like my kids were all conspiring to test my patience at the same time. And I lost it. I reverted to my old ways, familiar ways. I screamed. I didn’t just yell, I screamed. I scared my kids, and made my oldest cry. I felt like the worst mother ever. In retrospect, I can see the beauty in the mess, though.

Just 4 years ago, this type of outburst was pretty much a daily occurrence. I was full of frustration, fear, hurt, and uncertainty. All of those feelings came exploding out of me in the form of rage. I hurt those closest to me far too often. I’m grateful that I’m married to a man who was able to see through the mess and love my inner beauty, even before I knew it was there.

While I’m not proud of my outburst yesterday, I’m proud of how far I’ve come in just a few years. This is the first time I’ve lost my temper this badly in a very long time. I honestly don’t remember the last time it was that bad. And within a few minutes, I was verbalizing my feelings, apologizing for my choices, and hugging my crying daughter in comfort. While I didn’t exactly calm down 100% after that, I didn’t choose to yell again. I tried my very hardest to show patience, compassion, and understanding. And I woke up today committed to choosing happiness and peace. So while I may have made a decision yesterday that I’m not at all proud of, I do see the progress I’ve made, and I’m choosing to forgive myself for a bad decision and celebrate all the good ones. One day at a time, one step at a time, I’m rebuilding my life in a better way. And that’s a beautiful thing.

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10 responses to “Perspective is Everything

  1. barnraised says:

    What a lovely post. You’re so right about perspective. And your honesty and vulnerability in your writing is appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blubecca7 says:

    I am so proud of you for how far you’ve come! I admire your time, research and dedication to peaceful parenting. I love watching you! And because of you, I know that if I ever become a mom, I too will choose peaceful parenting. It works. You are such an inspiration!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your honesty is beautiful and your parenting is inspiring. I feel like we’ve shared many of the same parenting struggles and I love that you’re willing to open up about those struggles so others can see that there is hope

    Liked by 2 people

  4. That looks a lot like my house! Except we don’t TEST every crayon, we TASTE every crayon. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is beautiful and inspiring. I too choose to see the blessings behind the mess most days but let’s face it we all have those bad days as well. I am not much of a screamer but I have my days were I am in a bad mood, impatient, and meanly sarcastic with my teens though I am glad they are few and far between. These are the days I am glad I have raised loving and forgiving children. They understand that everyone has bad days even parents. I don’t feel the need to be perfect just real.

    Liked by 1 person

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