I preface this piece of prose with this: I have hesitated in publishing these words out of doubt. I feel their truth in my soul, but I doubt it with my mind. I desire authenticity, though. So I share this, my soul, with you now…
The shedding of the false self
The Phoenix, rising from the ashes
How can one un-know what one has discovered?
Sometimes slow, sometimes sudden
Launching me into the unknown
Thoughts I never knew I possessed
It feels like death
Full of fear
But is it death?
Or merely re-birth?
The turning of the wheel of time
The changing of the seasons of life
I can’t be the same person I was before
I don’t even recognize that person when I look back
I pity her
But I don’t
She knew all she knew
She had only her experiences to draw on
I have more
I’ve gained so much in so few years, it feels like a new lifetime
A new life
The death of the old me
And the birth of a new me
I had wanted to kill myself
And I did
I am no longer her
There are remnants, memories
But they don’t feel like me
I feel transformed
Alive in a way I never was before
Like I’ve come out of a fog
Out of a deep slumber
Out of a cave
Into a new world
A new time
A new understanding
Is this the death I saw?
The death I have felt for more than 2 years?
The imminent doom?
The feeling of dread?
The thoughts that have consumed me, captivated me, suffocated me…
Can a soul live two lifetimes within one body?
Without physical death separating the two?
A transformation of spirit within one body?
A new existence bearing the same face?
Or is it the same?
I cannot tell
My old self seems a hollow shell
An empty vessel
A lost soul
Trying to make sense of this world
This time and place
I feel as though the hollowness of me has been filled
I feel I have so much more to offer this place
Other lost souls
Searching for the truth
Searching for answers
I don’t know all of the answers, but I know the most important one
WE are one
We are entangled
Interwoven on a level that most cannot see
But it exists all the same
I see it
All around me
The web of interconnectedness
The force that binds us all together
We are so lost, we humans
But there is a way back
People say I’m too optimistic, but I can’t help what I see
It’s so tangibly real to me
I can almost reach out and touch it
I am here to help them see
To help them believe once more
That there is good in us all
That peace is within our grasp
That harmony is but a generation away
It’s not just a dream
We must just believe