Blissfully Informed Hippie Chick

Encouraging people to think critically about everything.

Why Kicking My Kids Out of My Bedroom is Self – Love 

on July 12, 2017

I have 4 kids. They have all slept with me, in my bed and/or my room, at one time or another. My younger 2 kids are about to turn 3 and 4 next month. The youngest, Bobby, has slept in our bed and room almost every single night of his life. I honestly loved it most of the time. I think bed sharing and co-sleeping are beautiful, natural things. It helped get me through having 2 kids less than a year apart, for sure! But recently, I’ve begun to realize, I want my room back. 

I devised a plan, set a timeline, they were excited! The first two nights went smoothly and it was amazing! And then…

Night 3…

Bobby decided he didn’t want to sleep without me. He said the futon isn’t comfy. 

I got desperate.  

I told him daddy could put the twin mattress on top of the futon and make a Super Bed!!!

They got excited for a few minutes, then Bobby went back to not wanting to sleep in the other room. 

I made a decision right then and there: there’s no going back. Sometimes, taking care of myself and my relationship with my husband is more important than my kids not wanting to do something. 

Mind you, I held Bobby. I sang to him, even an extra song. I rocked him for a long time. I assured him. I stayed next to him until he was asleep. He quit crying as soon as I started rocking him. He was fine. 

And guess what? He was all smiles as soon as he woke up and I picked him up this morning! 

Saying “no” to my kids is sometimes really hard. What I need to remind myself is that I’m not just saying “no”  to Bobby, I’m saying “yes” to me. “Yes” to my relationship with my husband. 

I have never been good at balance. I have recently realized that I’m either all-selfish or all-sacrificial. Usually the latter. 

I’ve got to stop. 

I don’t even know who I am, not fully. I’m getting there, but I still listen to the voice in my head that all-too-often tells me that I should worry about what other people think more than what I think. 

Bobby and Natalie sleeping in their own bed now isn’t just about them growing up. It’s not just about having sex in my own room, with the lights on, loudly (though that’s a huge bonus!). It’s about me saying, “I’ve given as much as I’m capable of giving in this area of my life. It’s my turn now. It’s time to take care of myself. It’s time to give myself what I need.”

I remember a magnet that my grandma had on her fridge when I was a kid. It said “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I can see the truth in that now. Not just mama, but all the adults in the house, really. If one of us is in a bad mood, the kids behave accordingly. We are a highly connected species, we feed off the emotions of others around us, especially those we spend most of our time with. 

Happiness is a choice, yes; but it’s a hell of a lot easier to make that choice when I’m physically and mentally healthy. 

I have to take care of me. Not just because of the fact that, by taking care of me, I’m taking care of everyone else. No, I have to take care of me because I love myself and know that I deserve to be healthy in every way. 

Loving myself isn’t selfish. True love can’t be selfish. True love says, “I want what’s best for you.” Self-love recognizes that it’s up to me to get what’s best for myself. 

Kicking my kids out of my bedroom is the biggest act of self-love I could preform at this time in my life. ❤

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