Blissfully Informed Hippie Chick

Encouraging people to think critically about everything.

Who am I?

I have been on this journey…of self-discovery. Of uncovering my true self, removing my masks, learning to love myself. 
Almost 2 years ago, I was crashing. I thought I had hit rock bottom at this point, but I wasn’t even close. I wrote this

I am…

I am…afraid.
I wonder…why I’m here.
I hear…the voices of my children.
I see…chaos all around.
I want…to disappear.
I am…terrified of dying.
I pretend…to be happy.
I feel…so very much alone.
I touch…my body, but it doesn’t feel like me.
I worry…that all hope is lost.
I cry…in silence, alone.
I am…a failure.
I understand…that I’m my own worst enemy.
I say…things I don’t believe.
I dream…of feeling free.
I try…to see the Light.
I hope…my soul can heal.
I am…afraid.

I want to re-write that now. I haven’t been re-born, I’m just becoming who I always have been. 

Allow me to introduce you to me! What makes me ME? Well, for starters…

Naked yoga on my bed…

Meditating barefoot in the grass in the early morning…

Creating things…

Wearing long, flowing skirts…

Going braless…

Having messy hair…

Taking cool showers in the hot summer heat (preferably with my husband)…

Laughing with someone over anything, as long as we’re really laughing…

Smoking weed…

Perusing the shelves of a library or bookstore…

Having wild, raucous, passionate sex for so long that I collapse into a mess on the bed/floor/couch/whatever and gasp, “I…just…can’t…move…anymore…” (and then somehow getting one last burst of energy to finish)…

Talking about anything and everything, as long as it’s real…

This is me. Raw and unfiltered. Authentic. 

And now, for a new poem…

I Am

I am…human. 
I wonder…what forever feels like. 
I hear…songs of unity and hope. 
I see…people hurting, pretending, dying. 
I want…this moment, right here. 
I am…alive!
I pretend…nothing anymore.
I feel…happy. 
I touch…the lives of everyone I meet, in some way. 
I worry…sometimes, that I won’t be able to accept each moment I’m given with grace. 
I cry…for the little girl I was. 
I am…not that little girl anymore. 
I understand…everything so clearly now.
I say…too much, sometimes. 
I dream…of peace on Earth. 
I try…to allow myself to be. 
I hope…I’ve fully enjoyed this moment. 
I am…Alicia. 

Advertisements
1 Comment »

Kindness is not Weakness

Awake at 530 for the 2nd day in a row. Before you say, “Ooh I’m sorry!”…I chose this. Why? Well, apparently this is a novel concept, so I’ll tell you…

My husband started a new job a couple days ago (yay!), we’re really crossing our fingers that this one leads to a permanent gig. This man has to leave at 6am to work 7am-5pm, and won’t be home again until about 6pm. That’s 12 hours away from home, away from his wife and kids, 5 days a week. And it’s no cushy job. He busts his ass to provide for the kids and I monetarily, and that allows me to homeschool the older two and not drop the younger two at daycare all day. I am beyond grateful to have a husband who understands how important this is to me, and shares my belief in it’s importance. 

So you know what? To show him just how much I love him and appreciate all he does for us, I willingly wake up at 5:30am and make him some breakfast and make sure he has some good food and snacks to take with him. 

No, this does not make me a “1950s” housewife. No, I do not feel obligated to do this for him every day… If I feel I need to stay in bed that extra hour or two before my youngest wakes up, you bet your ass I will! And yes, my husband would make or buy himself some food if I didn’t make it for him. 
I do it because I can. I do it because I’m good at making food. I do it because I love him. I do it because I actually enjoy his company, because we are best friends. And because starting my day talking and laughing with him and getting a kiss before he walks out the door and is gone literally half the day is probably the best way I can think of to start my day. Also, bonus!…I can drink a cup or two of coffee and write long posts like this and use the bathroom and maybe even eat some breakfast all BEFORE a horde of tiny humans wakes and demands all my attention, time, and energy! It makes me feel kinda human! Even better, it makes me feel like a human who takes care of those I love.

Leave a comment »

You Deserve to Live

image

I’m tired.

Tired of this charade.

Tired of attempting to squeeze myself into the box that has been constructed by humans over the past couple thousand years.

Tired of this game known as “civilization”.

Tired of living the lie fabricated by these same humans.

The lie that says there is this thing called “money” which we are supposed to want as much of as possible.

The lie that says one human can own a piece of the Earth.

The lie that says one human isn’t “allowed” to plant food on another human’s “property”, even if it’s not being used.

The lie that says one human can’t merely exist without owing another human some form of monetary compensation.

The lie that there are lines drawn around the Earth that divide one group of humans from another.

The lie that one human has the “right” to kill another human for crossing one of those imaginary lines.

I’m tired.

This is not how humans are supposed to live.

This is unnatural.

This is unhealthy.

We are killing ourselves with stress.

Stress.

The stress of constantly worrying about this imaginary thing called “money” that rules our very existence.

We are indoctrinated to believe that we must have money in order to live, that one cannot happen without the other.

We must have money for houses and cars, food and clothes, electricity and water, furniture and electronics, entertainment and insurance.

And if we don’t believe these lies, we are led to believe that we have “failed”.

We are a “waste of life”.

I disagree.

The lies…the money, the possessions, the civilization… they are the waste of life.

I’m tired of wasting my life.

I want freedom.

True freedom.

Not the packaged, branded, government-approved, flag-waving, war-mongering, false freedom that has been sold to us by that same small group of humans who drew imaginary lines over the face of the planet we all live on.

No.

I want to be truly free.

Free to walk wherever my feet take me.

Free to use whichever plants my hands can grasp, for the benefit of my body.

Free to lay my head wherever it happens to be when I am tired.

Free to choose not to spend my days perpetuating the lies that these humans around me so blindly accept as truth.

But are they so blind?

Can they really not see?

Do they really not feel what I feel?

Are they really not aware that this web of lies exists?

No, they know.

They are aware.

They can feel it, too.

They are merely hiding their eyes under a blanket of security.

They are afraid.

Afraid to pull the blanket away and see the world for what it truly is.

They have been told that the world is a terrifying place.

Full of disaster and death.

Perhaps that is the lie that got us into this mess to begin with.

Perhaps when a handful of humans decided that their nomadic hunter-gatherer lives should transform into stationary agriculture and land possession, that lie was actually true.

Perhaps they had good reason to be afraid of disaster and death.

I don’t doubt they had good intentions.

But the threat they might have faced has long since passed.

We no longer need to live in fear of what might happen.

We have the technology and knowledge to live in pretty much any way we desire.

We are capable of attaining true freedom.

The catch is that your freedom cannot hinge upon the enslavement of another.

We all are a part of this Earth.

We are all born, live, and die here.

To deny anyone the right to true freedom is to deny them the right to exist.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers.

I have many ideas, but none of them is ultimately “right” or “wrong”.

What I do know is that whichever solutions we collectively enact, they must be accessible to all.

No human has the right to deny another human true freedom.

This Earth, and everything in it, cannot belong to one or two or ten or a million humans.

This Earth belongs to us all.

All we have to do is let go of the fear that drives us.

Those humans who want us to perpetuate their lies, they rely on our fear to control us.

It is our own fear that imprisons us.

Without that fear, nothing can claim power over us.

Releasing your fear is the first step to achieving true freedom.

You deserve to live a life free from fear.

You deserve to live.

Sometimes I feel the fear of the uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear take the wheel and steer

It’s driven me before, and it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
Lately I’m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, I’ll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh
It’s driven me before, and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
Lately, I’m beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, I’ll be there

Would you choose water over wine… hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, I’ll be there

Incubus, “Drive”

Leave a comment »

Depression: A symptom of an unhealthy society.

Depression is a global epidemic. It is the main driver behind suicide, which now claims more than a million lives per year worldwide. One in four Americans will suffer from clinical depression within their lifetimes, and the rate is increasing with every generation….

But depression is not a natural disease. It is not an inevitable part of being human. [Stephen] Ildari argues, like many diseases, depression is a disease of civilization. It’s a disease caused by a high-stress, industrialized, modern lifestyle that is incompatible with our genetic evolution.

Depression is the result of a prolonged stress-response, Ildari said. The brain’s “runaway stress response” – as he calls it – is similar to the fight or flight response, which evolved to help our ancestors when they faced predators or other physical dangers. The runaway stress response required intense physical activity for a few seconds, a few minutes, or – in extreme cases – a few hours.

“The problem is for many people throughout the Western world, the stress response goes on for weeks, months and even years at a time, and when it does that, it’s incredibly toxic,” Ildari said.

Living under continually stressful conditions – as many modern humans do – is disruptive to neuro-chemicals like dopamine and seratonin, which can lead to sleep disturbance, brain damage, immune dysregulation and inflammation, Ildari says….

In a study of 2000 Kaluli aborigines from Papua New Guinea, only one marginal case of clinical depression was found. Why? Because the Kaluli lifestyle is very similar to our hunter-gatherer ancestors’ lifestyle that lasted for nearly 2 million years before agriculture, Ildari said.

“99.9 percent of the human experience was lived in a hunter-gatherer context,” he added. “Most of the selection pressures that have sculpted and shaped our genomes are really well adapted for that environment and that lifestyle.”…

“There’s a profound mismatch between the genes we carry, the bodies and brains that they are building, and the world that we find ourselves in,” he said. “We were never designed for the sedentary, indoor, socially isolated, fast-food-laden, sleep-deprived frenzied pace of modern life.”…

Ildari says the results of exercise on depression are so powerful that if they could be reduced into a pill, it would be the most expensive pill on earth. The problem is 60 percent of American adults get no regular physical activity. Ildari says it’s not their fault. Between long days at work and household and family responsibilities to attend to, who has the time or energy to hit the gym?

The dirty little secret about exercise, Ildari says, is “it is not natural.” We are designed to be physically active “in the service of adapted goals,” not to exercise on a hamster wheel.

Hunter gatherers get four or more hours of vigorous physical activity every day, but if you ask them they will tell you they don’t exercise, Ildari says. “They don’t work out. Working out would be crazy to them. They live.”…

Walking for 30 minutes, three times a week, has better effects on depression than Zoloft, he said….

Another huge factor in modern depression is the lack of social connection in our modern nuclear-family bubbles. “Face-time with our loved ones puts the breaks on our stress response,” Ildari says.

The problem is we’ve replaced face-time with screen-time. “Our hunter gatherer ancestors spent all day every day in the company of their loved ones.”…

What Ildari didn’t mention in his Ted Talk is how difficult his cure is for most modern humans to attain. Sure, we’d all like more fresh air, sunlight, exercise, a better diet, better sleep, less monotonous work, and more interaction with loved ones, but who has time for all that?

I’m stuck here staring at my screen typing about it in an effort to make a living for myself, and many of you don’t even have time to read this article because you have 50+ hours-a-week jobs of your own. Meanwhile, immediate-return hunter-gatherers work an average of 17 hours a week. In this world, we certainly can’t just quit our jobs to be less stressed, when the financial stress would create more stress.

In my opinion, the answer lies in baby steps. Baby steps away from dependence on civilization, and toward nature, earth skills, and self-sustaining communal living….

(source)

I couldn’t agree more with all of this. Depression, like addiction, is merely a symptom of our disconnected, unnatural society.

The amazing technologies we’ve integrated into our society at breakneck speed have thrust us into living in a way that is incompatible with the structure of our brains. And the faster we integrate new technology, the more we can see the symptoms of this incompatibility manifest themselves all around us.

There is a good reason that concepts such as off-grid living, tiny houses, working from home, unschooling, living and traveling in an RV, etc. are so popular. We humans instinctively know that this society we’ve constructed is toxic to us. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. We crave human connection, time in nature, sleeping in on weekends, early retirement, simplicity, “the good old days”.

For awhile, we were so enamored with the novelty of our inventions that we were blinded to the greater harm being done by them. But we are waking up. We have this nagging feeling that something is just “not right”. Most of us can’t quite put our finger on it, but it’s there, nagging at you, calling to you, willing you to listen.

image

- Morpheus, The Matrix

So what can we do? Like the article says, baby steps. We can’t just unplug everyone from our current social construct one day, there would be chaos. It must be done gradually. Community centers, community gardens, kindness toward our neighbors, exchanging goods and services with one another, caring for the sick, visiting the elderly, baking cookies for your mail carrier, stopping and chatting with someone on the street. We don’t have to accept this ill-fated society. We have the power the be the change we wish to see in this world (- Gandhi).

Leave a comment »

Land Ownership and the Ruse of Freedom

How egotistical is it to believe that one of the 8.7 million species on earth can *own* a part of the planet we all share? Even worse, only  *some* of us humans will ever “own” land. And even when we are lucky enough to be handed a deed (after decades of loan payments, in most cases), we must pay taxes for the land we supposedly “own”. In which case, is it really ours? Or are we simply renting it directly from our government at that point?

I do not wish to own land. I wish to live in harmony with nature, caring for the plants and animals in order to maintain a symbiotic relationship with all things. But that’s not possible, is it? Every inch of land on this planet has someone claiming ownership of it.

So my question is… how free are we, really? If freedom means we are “allowed” to do what we choose, but only within the system put in place by a select few… is that really freedom? I say no. You are not free. I am not free. We are all slaves. This is the matrix we must all unplug ourselves from.

image

Leave a comment »

A Conversation With My Soul

I quieted my thoughts, and there I met my soul.

I said to her, “I do not know how to love.”

In the stillness of my mind, I heard her reply:

“You are love.

You are light.

All you must do is allow the love and light to flow from your spirit.

You must break down the walls that prevent the love and light from escaping.”

I began to cry.

I called out to my soul, “If I break down walls, I may get hurt! My walls protect me!”

My soul answered:

“The walls are built from fear.

When you were young…before the walls were built, when you were still an expression of pure love and light…you received hurt and darkness from those who were supposed to give you love and light.

You did not know what to do with such hurt and darkness, so you built walls around your love and light; to protect them.

In doing so, you began to reflect the hurt and darkness that you received.

The hurt and darkness bounced off your walls, but so also did love and light.

You eventually met other spirits who attempted to give you their love and light; but by then, you were too afraid to break down the walls that were there to protect you as a child.

You wanted to receive the love and light, but you didn’t know how.”

I began to cry harder.

I was terrified of the hurt and darkness I might receive if I broke down the walls.

My soul explained:

“You will receive hurt and darkness, but you need not hold it inside.

Others will reflect the hurt and darkness that has previously been given to them; but you can let it flow through you, because it is not yours.

And as you allow that hurt and darkness to pass through your love and light, it will dissipate.”

I began to understand.

I began to see.

I repeated what my soul had told me:

“I am love. I am light.”

And thus, I took the first piece off of the walls surrounding my spirit.

image

6 Comments »

Faerie Locks: 6 week update

Two days from now will be the 6 week mark since the last time I brushed my hair.

I have been twisting the locs every now and then to help them form more neatly and not bunch up with any matting. These pictures are from after showering then twisting.

image

image

image

There are a whole lot of locs now, mostly little baby ones but there is at least one bigger one.
A couple interesting things…I lose almost no hair now, whereas I would typically lose 20+ hairs a day before (between brushing, washing, etc)… also, handling my hair less seems to be lessening the oil buildup that was common for my hair before. I have only washed my hair twice in two weeks and I only used a vinegar rinse both times. My scalp still seems even more dry than usual, though, so I think I’ll do a conditioning treatment of honey and coconut oil sometime this week. I never thought it possible to have dry hair! I’ve always had such oily hair!

Oh, and when I go out to run errands or whatever, I generally tie a scarf around my head or pull back all my hair into a loose, messy bun. I’m not quite ready to handle the inevitable stares. I think I’ll be more confident once my locs are more tightly formed.

2 Comments »

Disconnect to Reconnect

It’s pretty common knowledge that rats will choose to use cocaine addictively in a laboratory setting, if given unlimited access to it. But did you know that rats who are placed in a fun, engaging, social, mentally-stimulating environment will not partake in the cocaine in an addictive manner? Researchers have realized that the rats in the community environment don’t feel the need to use cocaine excessively. It’s only when in isolation that the rats choose the cocaine. Because why not? What else have they got to do with their time?

The experiment is simple. Put a rat in a cage, alone, with two water bottles. One is just water. The other is water laced with heroin or cocaine. Almost every time you run this experiment, the rat will become obsessed with the drugged water, and keep coming back for more and more, until it kills itself.

The advert explains: “Only one drug is so addictive, nine out of ten laboratory rats will use it. And use it. And use it. Until dead. It’s called cocaine. And it can do the same thing to you.”

But in the 1970s, a professor of Psychology in Vancouver called Bruce Alexander noticed something odd about this experiment. The rat is put in the cage all alone. It has nothing to do but take the drugs. What would happen, he wondered, if we tried this differently? So Professor Alexander built Rat Park. It is a lush cage where the rats would have colored balls and the best rat-food and tunnels to scamper down and plenty of friends: everything a rat about town could want. What, Alexander wanted to know, will happen then?

In Rat Park, all the rats obviously tried both water bottles, because they didn’t know what was in them. But what happened next was startling.

The rats with good lives didn’t like the drugged water. They mostly shunned it, consuming less than a quarter of the drugs the isolated rats used. None of them died. While all the rats who were alone and unhappy became heavy users, none of the rats who had a happy environment did.

At first, I thought this was merely a quirk of rats, until I discovered that there was — at the same time as the Rat Park experiment — a helpful human equivalent taking place. It was called the Vietnam War. Time magazine reported using heroin was “as common as chewing gum” among U.S. soldiers, and there is solid evidence to back this up: some 20 percent of U.S. soldiers had become addicted to heroin there, according to a study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry. Many people were understandably terrified; they believed a huge number of addicts were about to head home when the war ended.

But in fact some 95 percent of the addicted soldiers — according to the same study — simply stopped. Very few had rehab. They shifted from a terrifying cage back to a pleasant one, so didn’t want the drug any more.

Professor Alexander argues this discovery is a profound challenge both to the right-wing view that addiction is a moral failing caused by too much hedonistic partying, and the liberal view that addiction is a disease taking place in a chemically hijacked brain. In fact, he argues, addiction is an adaptation. It’s not you. It’s your cage.

After the first phase of Rat Park, Professor Alexander then took this test further. He reran the early experiments, where the rats were left alone, and became compulsive users of the drug. He let them use for fifty-seven days — if anything can hook you, it’s that. Then he took them out of isolation, and placed them in Rat Park. He wanted to know, if you fall into that state of addiction, is your brain hijacked, so you can’t recover? Do the drugs take you over? What happened is — again — striking. The rats seemed to have a few twitches of withdrawal, but they soon stopped their heavy use, and went back to having a normal life. The good cage saved them.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html

I theorize that all addiction is the same thing… lack of connection. I have no trouble staying off Facebook when I’m out and about, visiting with friends or family, running errands, etc. It’s when I’m feeling lonely, isolated, faced with either cleaning my house (again) or scrolling through my news feed that I just can’t seem to resist.

Until not that long ago, humans interacted tangibly with each other daily. And not with just members of one’s family or extended family, but with members of the greater community at large. The lack of connection we as a species are experiencing is likely a driving force behind increases in everything from crime to mental/physical health problems to parenting struggles. (For a great read on the adverse effects the decline of the community on child development, and why this happened, read this article by Peter Gray, Ph.D.)

Loving, caring physical touch has been known to lower stress levels so significantly that wounds even heal faster. I would posit that just being in the presence of happy individuals improves one’s mood. Which is why churches are so successful… they meet several times a week, sing uplifting songs, hug everyone, and talk about things like loving your neighbor. Why wouldn’t people like to go there? And how better to get people to donate money to you than to give them happy feelings? Not that all churches are taking advantage of this, but some definitely are. What we need are communities like churches, without the hell and damnation, without the silly recitations and expectation of belief in a deity; but with all the things like visiting the sick and elderly, free child care, potlucks, food pantries, love and concern for all.

The question is, how do we get people to see that Facebook isn’t real connection? Beyond that, how do we get people to see that they know more about their favorite sitcom family than their friends’ families… and what a tragedy that is? This disconnection is so pervasive, it might take a huge jolt to wake everyone up to it.

I think we all know, deep down, that connection is what we need. It’s why we’re so quick to click that tantalizing button: “Connect with me on ______.” (Fill in the blank.)

So what’s it going to take to end the disconnection, once and for all?

image

3 Comments »

I Love Me

image

I love my crooked, toothy grin
I love my bright blue eyes
I love my frog-like swimming toes
I love my skinny thighs

Far beyond the physical,
I love my intelligence
I love my thirst for knowledge
I love my common sense

I love that I’m compassionate
I love that I’m ever-caring
I love my adventurous streak
I love it when I’m daring

I love my musical abilities
I love that I cook so well
I love that I’m not afraid
to try things when I might fail

I love my determination
I love my creative style
I love that I can learn new skills
after just a little while

I love the way I dance
I love the way I sing
I love my way with words
and that I can spell most anything

I love that I love my kids
more than my very life
I love that I do my best
to be a loving wife

I love that I am loveable;
my imperfections make me whole
I love that I learn from mistakes
to help me reach all my goals

image

Leave a comment »

Summerhill

Brilliant.

The function of the child is to live his own life, not the life that his anxious parents think he should live, nor a life according to the purpose of the educator who thinks he knows best. All this interference and guidance on the part of adults only produces a generation of robots.

Dadosaurus Rex

I stumbled across this while perusing the vast caverns of the interwebs.  It is a chapter of a book called “Summerhill” written by an educator named A. S. Neill, and the message resonated with me so strongly, I couldn’t help but post it here.  Enjoy.

“I hold that the aim of life is to find happiness, which means to find interest. Education should be a preparation for life. Our culture has not been very successful. Our education, politics and economics lead to war. Our medicines have not done away with disease. Our religion has not abolished usury and robbery. The advances of the age are advances in mechanism – in communications and computers, in science and technology. New wars threaten, for the world’s social conscience is still primitive.

If we feel like questioning today, we can pose a few awkward questions. Why does man hate and kill in war when…

View original post 1,121 more words

7 Comments »